Life's experiences don't get much more meaningful, many say

By Dennis Thompson

(HealthDay News) -- Providing care for a critically ill or disabled loved one can be a taxing duty that can take a toll on a person in many ways -- physically, mentally and financially.

But in the midst of this personal trial, the caregiver also stands to gain much, experts say.

Caregivers, for instance, will learn more about their capabilities and their limitations than they ever have before. They'll gain knowledge that will serve them the rest of their lives. And, perhaps, they'll be able to resolve long-standing issues and grow closer to the person they're caring for and to other family members as well.

"Many of the caregivers I have spoken with over the years have said they would not have chosen not to do this," said Barry Jacobs, a psychologist and faculty member of the Crozer-Keystone Health System's family medicine residency program in Springfield, Pa. "They are making a huge difference in the lives of their loved ones. Some go so far as to say it's the most important work they've ever done. It doesn't get much more meaningful than that."

That's saying a lot, given research that has shown how the burden of being a caregiver can affect someone.

More than 50 million people in the United States provide care for family members or friends who are elderly, chronically ill or disabled, according to the National Family Caregivers Association. November has been designated National Family Caregivers Month.

Studies have shown that caregivers:

• Are more likely to experience depression or anxiety. People caring for a spouse experience a rate six times higher than the rest of the population. Those caring for a parent have a rate twice as high.
• Experience levels of stress that compromise their immune system for up to three years and can take as much as a decade off their life expectancy.

"It's lousy for your health," said Suzanne Mintz, president and chief executive of the caregivers association. "It's all related to the extreme stress that comes from the basic situation itself -- that someone you care deeply about is very ill and disabled, and they're not going to get better."

Caregivers also have more money worries than others. Families providing care to a loved one have median family incomes that are more than 15 percent lower than the income of non-caregiving families, and out-of-pocket medical costs that are 2.5 percent greater, according to data compiled by the association.

"It's expensive to be a caregiving family," Mintz said.

Such statistics show the problems facing family caregivers, but they do nothing to describe the rewards, experts say.

For example, many caregivers report that their work at home fills them with a sense of purpose they've never before experienced, Jacobs said.

"They believe that it really matters," he said. "The stakes are high, and there are not that many other activities in life where the stakes are so high and the choices people make can make a considerable difference."

The stress of being a caregiver also can lead people to rethink their life on a fundamental level, Mintz said.

"It certainly changes your perspective on life," she said. "It makes you more compassionate. It makes you think about the ordinary activities of life that we all take for granted. You have a greater appreciation for the little joys and the beauty that surrounds us."

Being a caregiver can help a person learn valuable skills as well, Mintz said.

Caregivers learn how to make better decisions backed up by thought and research, she said. They improve their ability to plan far in advance and to manage finances even when faced with complex medical bills. They also learn how to navigate bureaucracies and argue for things they and their family members need.

"It gives you more 'life skills,'" Mintz said. "As a family caregiver, you should be an advocate for your loved one and also for yourself. By being an advocate, you find ways to make what you need to happen happen."

Providing care for a loved one can also help you reconnect with that person.

That's not always an easy or painless process. "It can certainly open up old wounds," Mintz said. "But it also can bring families closer together."

Depending on the relationship they've had with a parent, for instance, adult children who become caregivers can take many different things from the experience, Jacobs said.

"I've seen many adult children taking care of their aged or ill parents who suddenly feel they are giving back something for all of the love and care that they have received," he said. "I've also seen adult children who felt they never had their parent's approval. By taking care of the parent at the end of their life, they gain that parent's admiration and maybe even gain that parent's love, where maybe they never had that before."

The most important thing for caregivers to remember is that they are running a marathon, not a sprint, Jacobs said. They need to prepare for the long haul.

"They need to learn how to pace themselves and not expend all their energy early on," Jacobs said. "They also need to take in emotional replenishment along the way. Just like a marathon runner takes in a bottle of water along the way, the caregiver needs to take in replenishment along the way and not wait until they get into trouble later on," he explained.

"Most of the time, caregiving is something that will unfold over a long period of time," Jacobs added. "It's very important to plan accordingly."

On the Web

To learn more about caregiving, visit the "Family Caregiving 101" Web site, sponsored by the National Family Caregivers Association and the National Alliance for Caregiving.

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